It’s Hard Raising Boys in a Feminist World

With all the women that protested around the world, I had to sit back — as the mother of two boys — and wonder what I’m supposed to tell my kids about the world we live in today.

It’s such an odd time when you become alienated by your own sex.

Though, the division seems clear enough.

Equal rights — and freedom of speech — for those who deserve it. (This excludes Republican women, those who choose to support pro-life, and of course, men.)

I hope and pray (yes, pray) that my children never fall into this mentality.

It all starts will labels.

Women don’t want to be objectified, harassed, or overlooked, just as much as people don’t want to be labeled by their sexuality, religion, gender or even political persuasions. Because this is prejudice.

When you teach your children that one group of people is a certain way, you become the problem; you’re reinforcing the cycle of discrimination.

Many of the political signs being held up in peaceful protest were offensive to me, as the mother of boys.

Women are now stereotyping; women are being sexist. We have become the pot calling the kettle black.

I ask myself:

How can we promote equality with division of the sexes?

How can we promote love with hate?

How can we promote peace with alienation?

Why do we focus on women’s rights instead of human rights?

How can we promote anti-bullying with bullying?

How can we promote freedom of speech by silencing some?

There is no supremacy in equality, and there is no room for hate in acceptance.

Susan B. Anthony was arrested for voting in the presidential election of 1872.

Women didn’t take this stand in history so that we would abuse our power. Women took a stand, so that we would all have a voice.

I want my voice to be heard, just like I want my sons’ voices to be heard.

I don’t want my boys to grow up in a world that wants to silence them.

I want them to not live in fear to have their own opinions.

I have this distinct desire to get out the bubble-wrap, and draw it around my children.

Our freedoms in this country are being minimalized all under the presumption that we’re making things better.

“There is a moment you have to choose whether to be silent, or stand up,” as one protest sign said.

I’m standing up, and saying that I have two sons that I love more than anything, and I’m afraid for them.

I respect people for being different than I am. I respect people who stand up and fight for what they believe in. But, I don’t respect people who want to silence others.

If your goal is to truly Make America Kind Again, which will ultimately Make America Great Again, I’m with you. 

Training the Family

I bought my boys a puppy.

Yes, I can’t deny it; I’m crazy, a sucker, and a glutton for punishment.

But, apparently the boys asked Santa for a puppy, which of course Santa didn’t bring (because they neglected to tell anyone else). But, after the holidays, they made sure to tell everyone in the family, they didn’t get what they asked for.

So, I gave in, and we have an Australian Shepherd puppy of our very own. Darling, sweet and definitely naughty … all rolled up into one big fuzz-ball. That’s our boy. So far he’s added quite a bit of excitement and work to my daily routine. But I tell myself that his cuteness makes up for all of the things he gets into.

The boys named him Rex, after the sheepdog on Babe, and of course, short for T-Rex, the tyrant lizard king.

The other day my son asked me what Rex’s last name is. I said, “Well I guess he has our last name, so Turner.”

“So his name is Rex Delicious Turner?” he asked.

What? He’s a dog. He doesn’t have a middle name.

“But you call him Rex Delicious.”

I was wondering what he was talking about, when I realized he was quite right. I had started calling him (on occasion, mind you) Rexaliscious, because, he is in fact so cute.

Rex Delicious doesn’t roll of the tongue too well, so my husband shortened it to Rex D.

Now our dog has a first, middle, and last name. So I guess he’s officially part of the family now.

Please … Just Let It Snow

Winter can be an overcast time in more ways than one. Not only do we get to start and end our days in darkness, but it also messes with our internal circadian clocks. So it’s really no wonder the gloom of the cold leaves us with a lack of motivation, and a deep desire to raid the cupboards.

Compounding the problem, is the fact that winter leaves parents (and teachers), with only intermittent outdoor playtime, making it hard to occupy children’s wildly creative minds.

Yes, this time of year, my boys certainly have a surplus of energy; enough to go around in fact. Of course, I feel just the opposite. I want to slip into my pajamas and crawl under a blanket and hibernate until spring … make that summer.

What I would give to have an ounce of their energy … just one ounce.

But since the boys have taken it upon themselves to eat me out of house and home, and literally destroy everything in their path as they do so, I’ve had to come out of hiding and push myself to keep their innovative minds active.

I’ve stocked up on basically everything and anything I can to keep them busy. I’ve bought Play-Doh, tools, glue, markers, books, board games, movies, downloaded Kindle games, and even gave them a camera. We’ve painted pottery, visited relatives, and run laps around the basement.

And when these activities get old to them, I continue looking for new ones, even in unusual places.

I’ve had them be assistant chefs, and even tricked them into helping with the chores.

“Hey kids, want to play with my Swiffer Sweeper?” (Just make sure to put a dry sweeping cloth on first. Then let them go to town.)

Like I said, I will do anything to keep them busy.

Shopping Buddies

The idea of shopping for many women (and some men) makes thoughts of sugarplums dance in your head. And with so many avenues to do it — through windows, online, in a catalog, and physically standing in a store — this is undoubtedly the best time of year for it. In fact, the National Retail Federation forecasts holiday sales to be at $630.5 billion this year.

Hold up, I want to change that image in your head from a beautifully-wrapped Christmas gift, to a buggy full of food. OK, this time, I’m talking grocery shopping — yes, perhaps a little less appealing.

Grocery shopping with your children; I’ve now made good thoughts disappear altogether — the sugarplums have left the building — and you’re probably hunkering down, cringing, and trying to crawl underneath the table.

Let’s just say, it’s a subject we don’t typically like to discuss.

Pajama Party

Sitting still for an hour when you are six is nearly impossible. But you’ve got to remember, one hour in children’s time is like a whole year for the average person.

It’s basically impossible not to fidget, wiggle or develop violent headshaking syndrome. Let’s face it, kids have a lot of energy, and they are not afraid to show it.

As adults, we are often happy to have those few minutes to just sit still and do nothing. But for kids, it’s torture.

I’ve often heard people say, “Man, I wish I had their energy.” So that got me thinking, where does this energy come from?

Your kids wake up excited, full of joy and ready to go. So why do we feel like we have to have a mocha latte with a double shot of espresso just to keep up?

Because we don’t follow the same rules we set for our kids. We make them eat, sleep and play at specific set times, in ample amounts, every day. This is the perfect recipe for energy.

What’s funny is we spend a lot of our time and energy trying to think up creative ideas to entertain our children. But of all the people in the world, they are absolutely the easiest to keep occupied. It’s us who need the entertainment. We need the soccer game to cheer at, the outing to the park or pool, or the play date with other parents.

Children delight in the simplicities of life.

Truth Be Told

It was Miss Scarlet, with the candlestick, in the Library.

Remember that game? Clue (Cluedo outside the U.S.) was invented in England in 1944. It was the original who-done-it game; collect bits of information to find out who committed the crime.

I’ve been reminded of fond memories of playing this beloved board game as I have been playing my own, modern-day form of the game with my children as of late.

Trying to get any information out of two little boys requires quite the investigation and interrogation. And even then, you are left wondering if the information provided holds any truth at all?

Nobody wants to confess to anything at my house. Who hit whom first? Who made a mess in the bathroom? Who wrote on the wall? Who started it?

Wasn’t me. Couldn’t be!

Ride of Your Life

Why does time have to fly by when you are having fun?

It drags on and on when you are doing something you don’t want to do (like exercise), and yet speeds up when you are having the time of your life.

Apparently, I’ve been having a blast lately, because I’ve suddenly turned around, and I’ve realized I don’t look like the person I used to be. I am not even exactly the woman my husband married.

I am someone quite different now. Ten years ago, I probably wouldn’t even recognize myself as I am today. I am a mother with two kids — a little bit older, hopefully a little bit wiser, but definitely changed.

Your parents always tell you that life after kids will be different. But you shrug it off. What do they know anyway?

You’ll be the person who changes the limits. You’ll be the parent who has it all — the career, the exciting hobbies, the parent of the year award. Yes, life is going to happen for you.

Sometimes I wonder about the shadow of my former self. Before I was married, my great love was a 16.1 hand, bay Thoroughbred named William.

Get Out There and Make Mistakes

Children possess a natural gift. The ability to love, no questions asked. You will find the kids in your life will hold you up on a pedestal for nothing else than being their teacher, being their friend or being their parent.

You didn’t do anything special to get on that pedestal — just being a part of their lives was enough.

But, at some point, we have to tell them the inevitable truth. Parents make mistakes too.

As humans, we are perpetually flawed, and I think it’s good not to hide this fact from kids.

Children can feel substandard in a seeming world of perfection.

But, let’s face it we are far from flawless. Adults just get better at hiding it. We like to brush things under the rug and act like nothing is wrong.

But it may actually be healthier just to throw a tantrum every now and then, as my five year old does when something doesn’t work.

Sometimes life is hard, and we make the wrong choices, or things just will not — as much as you try — go your way.

Full-Time Parents Unite

It’s kind of funny that today a line is drawn between working moms and stay-at-home moms (or dads).

After reading an article about how children of working mothers are better off, I began thinking.

The funny thing is we all work … obviously we do different work. But the thing is no matter if you are a working mom, or if you stay home with your kids, you’re a parent full time. That never changes.

Balancing your family life with whatever you have going on is when things can get hard. It’s how you handle these challenges that really counts.

Who knows whose children will come out better on the other side?

Every family is different; I feel you just have to make choices and decisions that are best for your family.

My Very Hungry Caterpillars

It is said — you are what you eat.

It’s hard enough getting the message through to yourself, but getting kids to eat right, can be even trickier. So, to make this concept easier for my two boys to understand, I explain:

If you want to swim like a fish, jump like a chicken, grow tall and strong like a carrot, vibrant like a strawberry and wholesome like yogurt, that’s what you need to stuff in your face.

My boys literally eat me out of house and home. They are quite skilled at jumping, climbing, reaching and sneaking for food. The boys eat and eat and eat — everything and anything they can get their hands on. I’ve never seen anything like it. I refer to this time as: the feeding stage, because they are quite like The Very Hungry Caterpillar on his quest for food. And as caterpillars, we know they go about mindlessly eating whatever is in front of them.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

My three-year-old boy is delighted with the way he looks.

He squeals with pleasure as he looks at pictures and videos of himself. He even enjoys staring at his own reflection in the mirror.

Obviously, he’s impressed with what he sees. He admires the way he looks, and I love that about him.

In truth, I could learn something from him.

In life, there are plenty of times you will be knocked flat on your face. You’ve got to find the strength from within to pick yourself up and always try, try again.

And I’ve learned if you are going to ever be successful, you’ve got to at least embrace who you see in the mirror, and accept your individuality and yourself.

The True Superheroes

People are attracted to the idea of superheroes. These larger-than-life defenders possess extraordinary talents, are fearless and courageous. They are essentially a better version of ourselves, and everything we wish we could be.

Yes, we just took our boys to see the new Avengers movie. And they have since been running around the house with nothing else on their minds. I have one who thinks he’s made of iron and flies, and the other says he’s turning green when he is mad. And now, as it’s the in-thing to do, he gets mad a lot. No, I didn’t give him the go-ahead to tear up his room, but I don’t think the Hulk ever asks for permission.

Yes, it’s obvious, superhero skills and abilities fascinate and excite.

Back in the real world, most of us realize nobody is born with superhuman-strength, or the ability to save the entire world all on their own.

But, at the same time, I’ve realized it’s important to not waste time thinking about what we can’t do, and focus on what we can. Because what we can do, does matter.

Attention to the Details

“Mommy, look. Mommy, look. I got dressed by myself.”

Yes, I can clearly see that.

“Mommy, look. Mommy, look. I am going to say my ABCs.

Now watch, mommy. I’m going to say my ABCs with my eyes closed.”

Ha, OK. What a very rare and exceptional talent.

“Mommy, look, Mommy, look. I went to the potty. Come see. You didn’t look. No, look Mommy.”

Yes, I see. I’m so proud.

This is any given day at my house. My kids seek constant attention and want me to watch them do absolutely everything. And when there’s something they want, they find a way get it, one way or another.

Cheeseburgers in Paradise

Paradise brings various thoughts to mind. For me, it’s a hot beach, cool ocean breeze and time away from it all.

Unfortunately, this year, there will be no great escape. Since my husband was involved in the international oil strike, we’ve decided we should allocate our money to other things and skip going on a big trip this year.

Of course, I’ve reasoned we can do all sorts of other fun things like spending time on the boat, biking and day trips. Somehow Grayson Lake is not quite the beach, but everything is always better somewhere near the water.

Nocturnal Notions

Kids like to pick their battles. Some throw fits over eating vegetables, while others develop a fear of water at bath time. For my kids, it’s simple, they just hate going to bed. And their main objective in life these days is to do the opposite of what I want. So when I want peace and quiet, they want chaos.

My boys try to throw all-night pajama parties by explaining they’re nocturnal creatures, and they’re allowed to stay up all night. I have to put my foot down and say, no, you are not nocturnal, and you need your sleep. Yes, I admit to them, animal parents must be nicer than we are.

When this doesn’t work, I try to take the scientific approach and explain our senses are better adapted during daylight hours, while some animals are better adapted for the dark. But this doesn’t stop them … after all, we have battery-operated flashlights and electricity on our side.

Animated Wisdom

Have you ever noticed that cartoon characters make a statement with the way they dress? Some choose only to wear pants, while others wear shirts, then some are fully dressed, and yet others run around with absolutely nothing on. What’s the significance of who wears what?

I’ve figured out most of the main cartoon characters are wearing some clothes, but then their friends and pets often don’t wear clothes at all. But yet, they are all animals. Do the artists just get tired by the time they draw the supporting characters? All I can say is, while it’s obviously hard being the friend of someone famous, my advice is always to dress for the job you want, not the job you have.

Smother Knows Best

A mother is naturally the caregiver in the family. She has the kiss to cure a boo-boo, the hug that dries away the tears, the cake that makes you forget your worries, and a song to send you to sleep. A mother takes on the role of being the rock, the mast carrying the sails and the glue that holds everyone together.

You end up doing so much for your children, it’s hard to know where to draw the line. You want your children to be independent, but you also want what’s best for them. And sometimes, a mother knows best. OK, we always know best. It’s difficult to let your children make their own decisions – especially when you know they are the wrong ones. It becomes hard not to be a bit of a smother.

Into the Wild

Snow days bring such lovely thoughts to mind ­— staying home wrapped in a blanket, taking in a good book and drinking hot chocolate.

But, as a stay-at-home mom with two little boys (ages five and three), it’s more like being trapped in a box with wild animals desperately trying to get out of their cage. With no good release for their excess energy, watch out … on edge, wild animals will rely on their instincts as opposed to their learned (better) behavior.

Essentially your house becomes the hunting grounds. The predators’ plans are simple: attack, destroy and eat everything in sight. And believe me, they take no prisoners.

Sweet Rewards

Our kids are in the negotiation phase of life. If we want them to do things, it will happen, but usually it comes with some benefit to them – they usually end up on top.

They will clean up their room … for a treat, they will clear the table … for a bath, and of course they will eat their vegetables … for dessert. It’s a classic, but in our house, it gets the job done.

But if you think about it, very few things in life are done without some kind of incentive.

Nightlife

They say when you have kids, the party is over. But really, it’s the other way around. You may need that double shot of espresso after dinner, because your days of nightlife are just beginning.

Remember when you used to go out with your friends (where are those people by the way?), and stay up late? You were still guaranteed to be able to come home and crash hard — in a bed — without little monsters looming in your closet, until the next day.