The “Other” Spelling Bee

My seven-year-old son came home and told me that one of his little friends — another boy mind you — in his first grade class said a bad word at school the other day.

I asked, “Oh, did he get in trouble?”

“No; nobody heard him except me.”

I looked at him, trying to decide if that was worry or excitement I detected in his voice.

Then he continued, “It was a really bad word.”

“OK. Well don’t repeat it.”

“But it was a really bad word,” he said. “Really bad. The h word. You know the one that starts with h – e …” Well, you know the rest.

I sighed — great — now he’s spelled it.

So, the next day he comes home and again tells me his friend said a bad word. “It’s a really bad word. You know the one that starts with s.”

He proceeded to spell it out for me. But I told him that really wasn’t necessary, I was more than familiar with the word.

By the next time he’s telling me about this friend — who I’m beginning to think my son has put on a pedestal for his ingenuity in language — I’ve realized for sure that this is a co-op mission. In fact, his friend may be the one to say the word, but then I’m pretty sure it’s my son who spends his recess period trying to sound out and then spell these words that they ought not be saying, or spelling, in the first place.

The take home message is that my son can spell; and, I’m so proud. If only he would use his powers for good instead of evil.

Or, perhaps if we lived in an alternate universe — that showcased the dark side of spelling bees — I’m quite sure my son would be the national champion.

This draws to my attention the fact that boys and girls are so vastly different. I remember the first time I said a bad word, (and it wasn’t anything like my son can spell); I cried for days.

But, I guess I should have had my first clue when my boys were drawn to the Stormtroopers instead of the Jedi. Boys idolize bad guys.

My son thinks he’s truly brilliant because spelling isn’t technically saying. It’s like he gets to deal the cards, but not gamble. No crime, no punishment.

I don’t know if I should applaud him, or be deeply afraid of this young mastermind. The other bad thing is that even I can’t even spell things out in my own house anymore. You know, I used to get by with spelling things out to my husband that I didn’t want the boys to know about or hear. Those days are long gone. Like I said, my boy can spell and sound things out quite well.

A blessing, and yet, a curse.

And, as much as I love the fact that he has an inquisitive mind and a love for learning, I told him for now, we need to take a break from spelling bad words. I don’t want him to showcase his talents at school or, heaven forbid, Sunday school.

Last year, I thought it was great as I stacked up his full semester of perfect spelling tests. Yes, he got all his words correct for his entire Kindergarten year. Now, I’m beginning to wonder if this was such a good thing? And no, I’m not quite sure where he gets his talents from.