Kids live in a world of absolutes. They have an all or nothing attitude about life.
When you won’t let them do something … “You never let me.” After you make them clean up … “You always do this.” If something doesn’t go their way … “I hate this.” Or – heaven forbid – you make them try something new … “I can’t.”
Luckily, their absolutes are completely relative to their emotions, and therefore, continually change like the tide. Everything isn’t always as black and white as they make it out to be.
But the world does certainly seem more straight-forward in an all or nothing approach.
And thinking about it, it’s the people who have this view of the world who ultimately end up changing the limits. The risk takers, the inventors, the entrepreneurs – maybe they are the people who never really grew up. They aren’t afraid to challenge the world as we know it. They stand up and say we can never move forward if something doesn’t change.
So, I guess I shouldn’t roll my eyes at the absolutes. I just wish they would change their tune to something more like, “I always find a way to succeed, and I never give up.”
How do we teach our kids to do what they’re told, but yet, be true to themselves and challenge the status quo when needed? If they are really going to shake things up and make a change in the world, at some point we have to accept they will have to break the rules when the rules are holding them back.
But with young children, when should we let them begin to challenge us? I say, immediately. I think we need to respect our children as individuals, and should always be interested in their opinions and ideas.
Sometimes, our children inspire us with their sharp minds and surprise us with their independence and knowledge. But, at the same time, we’ve got to remember children aren’t always reasonable. And while we can be open to their input, ultimately we make the final decisions. Yes, that’s a perk of being the parent.
Yesterday, my son locked himself in the bathroom and yelled at me, “I will never go see that movie!” I told him not to take a toy away from his brother, so he decided he absolutely could not bear watching a movie in a world where you have to share.
Sharing is, after all, really quite the challenge when you are five.
Fortunately, as he contemplated this idea more, his strong feelings were fleeting, and he decided, he could in fact, go see the movie – injustice as it was.
As parents we walk a fine line. We’ve got to let our kids branch out and think for themselves. But we’ve also got to be there when their ideas are merely insensible, or when they jump off that ledge and fall flat on their faces.
With each failure, comes learning, and from learning, strength and perseverance. But, I’ve realized through absolutes, we will never succeed, if we do not first, take the leap.
